Fathers

Fathers day was a few days ago...and this year was extra special. Not only did I get to celebrate my own father and his influence on my life, but this was the first time I was able to call my husband a father as well. And while our sweet little babe hasn't fully entered this world, he has fully entered our lives, and Kirby has taken his role as a father very seriously. 

Nothing fills me with more love than seeing the love my husband possesses for his little guy. I can hear it in his voice, I can see it in his eyes, I can feel it in his touch when he rests his hand on my belly each night. He loves our little boy fully, and that makes me love him even more than I already did.

They share a special bond, my boys do. When the baby is putting pressure on me in uncomfortable places, or punching me where he knows it hurts, all Kirby has to do is place his hand in the center of my belly and start talking or singing. Then baby boy moves right under his hand and curls up under his warmth...then depending on the song he might start dancing. 

Since the first day we felt the baby move, Kirby has loved singing to the baby almost as much as the baby loves hearing his songs, and I love watching the bond grow. He has three songs he always goes back to...Home on the Range, She'll be Coming Around the Mountain, and You Are My Sunshine. The first two all started with him being silly, but that's the kind of dad he is going to be. The kind that can get you giggling when you least expect it. But almost every time he starts You Are My Sunshine, I have to hide the tears rolling down my cheeks. Those two precious boys are my sunshine, and I would be heart broken if anything took my sunshine away.

Fatherhood sure looks good on my Kirby.

Since Kirby met my dad he has said that he hopes to be like him when he is a dad, and there is no hiding why. My dad, raising 4 daughters, is one of the most patient and hard-working men alive. My dad would sew the straps on my ballet shoes when I was little, show my recital videos to the men at work, and sit down with an emotional and frustrated little me through all types of homework and grueling school projects. He would set up the tent in the back yard so that we could "camp" and warm my car up at 6:00 in the morning before seminary. He still irons my church clothes when we visit over the weekends and he spent days painting, unpacking and cleaning our house before we moved in. He might have 4 girls, know every One Direction song, and read books like The Selection (a glorified version of the bachelor but with a prince and princesses), but he is still one of the manliest men I know. He lives and breaths sports, football, basketball, golf, you name it...whether it be watching the pro teams, going to college games, watching the little specials on TV, or playing the games himself, he is all in. Oh and the outdoors...he is very outdoorsy. He can fix your car, completely remodel your house, and get those perfectly even and straight lines mowed into your grass. He was always one of the cool dads, you know, the dad that all the youth like to joke around with at church? Yeah, that was him...actually it still is. 

So yes, my Texas-sheet-cake loving, pop-song singing, marathon running, non-stop project doing, hiddenly artistic, couch napping,  dad... who once accidentally used salt instead of sugar in the pancakes, is the kind of dad that I am glad my husband has the chance to look up to. The kind of dad I am blessed to call my own, and the kind of dad I am proud to have as a grandpa to my little boy.

Happy Fathers Day Kirby, Happy Fathers Day Dad, and Happy Fathers Day to all other fathers out there!

A May in Dallas

I arrived in Dallas at the very end of April. Kirby had been here for two weeks without me, and those two weeks were killer! I was finishing my student teaching in a 6th grade class in Idaho Falls and it was time for him to start his job for the summer. He drove out with one of the other guys who is selling with the team, and I moved in with my in-laws so that the renters could get settled into our place for the beginning of their new semester. 

In case you didn't know, I am madly in love with my husband. Anytime spent away from him is hard on me...and those two weeks were particularly hard. I cried, a lot. I cried when I had to crawl into an empty bed at night, I cried whenever someone asked me if I missed him, needless to say carrying a baby turned me into a baby. When the two weeks were finally up, I packed our little car, said good-bye to my sweet sixth graders, and drove myself down to Utah. Once there, I stayed the night with another wife from our office who was about to make the long drive for the second time, with me. We left early in the morning and drove the entire day until we reached Amarillo, TX, stayed in a hotel, then finished the trek to Dallas. We got there early in the afternoon, while Kirby was already working. So I started unpacking our car, and carrying as much up to our 3rd floor apartment as my pregnant body could handle...then the sweetheart I call my companion made a surprise trip back from work to help me finish unloading and to take me to lunch. The second I saw him I was in tears (again). A hug has never felt so good as that one in the parking lot, with my big old belly between us.

And as soon as Kirby started talking to me our little baby boy started going nuts...he is such a daddy's boy already.

I did what I could to make the little apartment feel like home...which was hard considering all of our decorations and furniture were put in storage in Idaho for the summer. But that first night back in our queen sized rental bed with my sweetheart by my side was the best night's sleep I had had in weeks. Nothing feels more comfortable and right as being with my husband. 

Soon the stresses of moving hit me. Getting rent, internet, insurance, doctor information, and everything else that comes with moving and being six months pregnant has been one of the biggest hassles of my life. I am now 28 weeks pregnant and still don't have a doctor lined up! I have had to jump through so many hoops here it is almost funny. Texas is definitely not Idaho...and I am quickly realizing that things here work a lot differently than they do back home. On top of all of that...my morning sickness has been back to full blown. I prayed so hard day and night that I would not be sick at my in-laws or on that long car ride...and Heavenly Father answered my prayers because even if I felt nauseous, I did not throw up once over those few weeks. But, the first day I experienced in Texas, I was right back to running to the toilet in the morning and Kirby was right there by my side, as he has been through this entire process.

And HELLO! Where is my Blue Bell Ice-cream?? Can the recall be over yet? Blue Bell in bed each night was our favorite summer tradition, not to mention I have been craving the pistachio almond ice-cream since day one of this pregnancy! I demand it be brought back!

*rant over*

 Also, as I am sure you have heard and seen...Texas is quite literally under water. We have probably had a total of 5 sunny days so far, it has been rainy/stormy non-stop! Most nights we get restless sleep as we try to ignore the thunder that causes our ceiling fan to wobble, and lightning that lights up our room through the closed blinds. I have always been a fan of thunder storms back home...but those are nothing like the storms here. As beautiful as they are, it is often hard to appreciate them when my phone is getting constant warnings of floods and tornadoes headed our way. We have seen our fair share of streets covered in inches to feet of water, we have heard the tornado sirens, we have heard of the deaths and damage cause by these storms, and now the beauty I used to appreciate now fills me with fear. Kirby has had to hold me tight while I silently pray through my tears that we would be spared from the tragedies night after night. But we have been lucky. While the rivers near us cover the trees on their banks, and the streets get temporarily covered in water, we live up high enough that the flooding we experience ends up settling farther down in Dallas. So really, we are so lucky to have been kept safe through it all...but we continue to pray for those who have been affected by the weather here, and hope the worst of it is over (even if going to church in the pitch black of a power-outtage was kind of fun haha) Also, this tiny baby inside me ALWAYS knows when there is a storm going on. He has this torpedo move he does during a storm, where we can literally feel him spinning in circles inside me!

But aside from the woes of settling in, being sick, not having Blue Bell, and having close calls with nature, we have been enjoying Dallas so far. Naturally we have been loving having tacos and bbq at our fingertips again...and it feels wonderful to have Torchy's Tacos near by for the 2nd time! But one of my favorite things from this summer is a magical tradition called Sodapalooza. Let me tell you about this brilliant concept: spend $7.99 on a fancy cup at the beginning of May...fill that fancy cup as many times as you want at any Race Trac (gas station) with whatever beverage you want until the end of July! To a pregnant girl who craves slushies like nobody's business and has a Race Trac on the corner across the street, this fancy cup is heaven in my hands. I've become pretty good friends with the workers at our near-by Race Trac...often making more than one trip a day to fill my cup with half coke slush and half cherry slush ;)

Kirby has been more than happy with his decision for the summer. He has switched companies and now works for Alterra Pest Control. We love the people we are with and Kirby seems happy with his job, which is all I need to be happy! He still works long hours like he has the past few summers...but get this...remember how our Saturdays used to be non-existent? Meaning his longest days were Saturdays? Well now he gets home between 4 and 5 and we actually have time to go on dates and be together on the weekend! We have tried to take advantage of the amazing city that holds never ending possibilities...and will have a lot more exploring to do over the next few months. But mostly, we have been seeing a lot of movies. We are both movie people, and with the upcoming bundle of joy, we figured we had to take advantage of our baby free nights at the movie theater! And of course, being a couple of foodies, we have tried to try a new place each weekend to test out all the gems of Dallas.

....oh and you might already know this, but I take every holiday very seriously. Here was part of Kirby's Cinco De Mayo surprise ;)

So this was kind of boring and whiney...but hey guys, it is what it is. I love my life, and next month is going to be even more exciting I am sure!

2nd Trimester Recap

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that I have officially entered into the third and FINAL trimester of this pregnancy! So let's chat about the past three months, aka the 2nd trimester. From day one I have been looking forward to the day when I enter the second trimester. Everyone said that once I made it through the first trimester I would feel so much better, I would not be sick anymore, I would not be so tired anymore, everything would be sunshine and roses! Well friends, I have news for you, this is not the truth for everyone! I quickly realized that every pregnancy is different. There are no rules, there are no time tables. There is only a unique mom and each of her unique babies causing unique pregnancies.

Through a majority of the second trimester I was just as sick and tired as the first, but I had learned little tricks to ease the morning sickness and make it more manageable. Toward the end of the trimester the sick days were far fewer and more spread out, and now the mornings are becoming a lot more enjoyable!

I will give the "sunshine and roses" people a little credit. The 2nd trimester really was full of fun surprises and happy moments, aside from the sickness. We got to see our sweet baby on the big screen and he (yes HE) is already a sassy little cutie, even if "little" might be a bit of a stretch considering our macho man is already in the 95th percentile! His little button nose and plump little lips are already begging us for kisses, and those darling little toes had us giggling like school girls. He danced around the screen, moving constantly and kicking at the doctor as she pressed on my stomach.

And speaking of moving...baby boy is a freaking acrobat! He NEVER stops moving, and I love it more than anything. Everything from little flutter kicks to straight up somersaults. Sometimes I look down at my belly and it's like I'm watching an intense massage chair in motion. Lately his favorite thing is to push out as far as he can on my left and right side at the exact same time...over and over. On the rare occasion that he is being shy, we have figured out a few triggers that always get him bouncing: Kirby's singing, spicy food, cold food, keeping my hand in one place on my stomach for too long, thunderstorms, and laying on my right side.

PS: baby boy is already a total daddy's boy and it is the sweetest thing. With Kirby's long work hours, he is gone for the whole day and a lot of the night. But, as soon as he gets home and starts talking to me, no matter what time it is, the excited little baby kicks start!

I spent a little over 2 weeks without my baby daddy and it was rough. I had to finish my student teaching, and he had to be in Dallas for work, and let me tell you, that's when I realized the full extent of the raging pregnancy emotions. Everything made me cry. I cried every time we had to say good bye on the phone!

While we were apart I had to go to the doctor by myself for the first time! Baby's heart beat is still going strong and the monitor picked up the tiniest little hiccups! But I sure missed my husband, and I know that baby missed his daddy so much too...the second we were back with Kirby he went nuts!

But on other news...my belly is getting pretty huge...thanks to how big baby is! And he is putting a lot of strain on mommy's body! My belly button is creeping it's way out. I definitely have an outtie at this point, but there is still a long way for that sucker to go before he is fully out in the open. I don't have any stretch marks (yet) thankfully. I have been drowning myself in oils and creams every night in hopes that I can ward it off for as long as possible. Oh, and that dark line thing that shows up on the lower tummy area has extended almost to the bottom of my ribs! I didn't even know it could do that!

My cravings as of lately have been for a mixed coke/cherry slurpy, orange juice, cherry pie (but I don't know if I can blame the pregnancy for that one, it's been more of a 23 year long craving), peach passion Jamba Juice, anything else peachy, and fresh fruit. Pesto is really the only thing I absolutely cannot even think about eating without feeling sick...even typing the word was a stretch! I also have a hard time with Italian seasonings, particularly oregano, so spaghetti has been mostly out of the picture, but I can do pizza a lot of the time...so who knows.

And FYI crazy pregnancy dreams and the whole forgetful "pregnancy brain" those are NOT a myth! I won't bore you with detailed accounts of either, just know they exist.

So yeah, things are pretty normal. Lots of tears, sketchy dark lines, stretch mark cream, outtie belly buttons, tumbling unborn babies, cravings, psychotic dreams, and crazy brains...that's all normal pregnancy stuff right?

16 weeks

17 weeks

19 weeks

20 weeks

 

 25 weeks

26 weeks

27 (and a half) weeks...entering the 3rd trimester!

Mom

Motherhood has been on my mind a lot over the past 6 months or so, as I have watched and felt this baby grow inside me. I am going to be a mom in just a few short months, and yet I feel that that one simple title, is something that I am not worthy to hold. It's funny how three little letters have such a powerful influence. 

As a woman, one of the greatest powers we hold is the power to be a mom. I have had many women step up in my lives as mother figures, my grandmas, aunts, family friends, mother-in-law, and of course my actual mom. Each of these women have influence my life and taught me lessons that will live on with me forever. 

But, of course, no one has effected my life quite as entirely as my mom has. She has always been there to take care of me, from the time when I was an infant and completely reliant on her love and care, until now, when I am married, across the country and expecting a child of my own. 

I remember being a little girl and crying to my mom, begging her to never make me go to college, because I couldn't stand the thought of not having her near by. And now, at 23, I still cry every time they come to visit and I have to say good bye to the woman who I am honored to call mother. 

She cut my sandwiches just the way I liked them, brought me my homework or lunch to school each time I was forgetful on my way out the door, did and re-did my hair until my picky little self was happy, attended each of my dance/piano/choir/cheer performances, taught me to say my prayers and read my scriptures, held FHE for our family each week, sat by me every time I was sick, taught me how to be a true friend, and has been an unwavering example of the type of mother I wish to be.

When I think about holding the title of Mom, I feel confident in the knowledge that I have seen the type of mom I wish to be and if I can only emulate her example I will be successful. Our little boy is lucky to call this woman his grandmother, just as I am lucky to call her my mom.

Happy Mothers day Mom! And to all you mothers, and mothers-to-be! May you always recognize how special you are. Love you!

And now a shout out to my sweet husband, who made today oh so special for me with gorgeous flowers and the sweetest card that instantly brought me to tears. As I step into this new phase of life, being a mother, there is no one I would rather have by my side as the father to our son. I love you Kirby!

thoughts from a college graduate

Last weekend was incredibly busy...but for the best of reasons! Busy with family coming into town, busy with preparing to move on to a new chapter in our lives, busy with graduation preparation and festivities, busy with the announcement of our baby boy, busy with laughter, busy with family, busy with friends, busy with love. There was too much happiness to squeeze into just a couple of days!

My parents arrived Thursday evening and took me to Grad Fest where I picked up my cap and gown...and of course they insisted on spoiling me with soft sweatshirts and other memorabilia. My mom even won me a waterproof, wireless speaker thing that will come in so handy at the pool this summer! Then, after meeting back up with my sisters and Taraka (my mom's good friend that we have decided is nothing short of my god mother, although I feel that fairy god mother might be more appropriate considering she has been the cause of so much magic in my life), we all went to campus for my last lunch in the Crossroads as a student! I hadn't been on campus for a while, because I have been student teaching this entire last semester, but it was surreal to walk around and think of the 5 years that I have spent calling this place my home and to know that it was all coming to an end so quickly.

I have made so many memories at this wonderful school that have shaped who I am today, and will continue to bless and inspire my future. The spirit and atmosphere that exists at BYUI is one that cannot be mimicked anywhere else. I am so thankful for the social/spiritual/academic education that I have received, and for the friendships that other relationships that have been born on those grounds. Particularly the relationship with that handsome stranger that I met here three years ago, the relationship that blossomed into an eternal marriage with my sweet Kirby Muir.

I remember so vividly one morning sitting in seminary, watching a video on the church schools, so that we could decide which, if any, we would apply to our senior year. When the little TV in the classroom projected the images and little blurb about BYUI I knew, truly, deeply, 100% knew that my future existed at that school. Little me sat there, a junior in high school, trying to hide the fact that tears were streaming down my face. The feeling that I had received was undeniable, and I am so glad that I had the insight to follow through with that overwhelming prompting that I received that day.

Graduation was...long, as it always is. But not a second of it was wasted time. Each talk that was given was heartfelt and powerful. Each name that was called was a student who dedicated their time and finances to getting to this special graduation day. And one thing that I loved, was being the last group of graduates addressed by President Clark.

We soaked it all in, took tons of pictures, then celebrated the night away. My mom and sister made the CUTEST little teacher decorations to adorn the table and surrounding area while we ate some of my favorite foods and relaxed after a long day of walking and sitting. I am so thankful for all that they did and have done in the past few years to get me here.

I owe a lot of people for the help and loved I received throughout my entire college career. My parents first and foremost for their many, many sacrifices, for their love, and for their support every step of the way.

I would not change these past few years for the world. Yes, now I have a degree that I will carry throughout my life, but that is not the greatest success I have earned these past few years. Because of this school I have friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. I have gotten to know professors that have had a lasting impression on my life. I have been able to teach kids that have taught me more than I taught them. I now have the man I was destined to be with eternally by my side and a healthy little angel on the way. I have the life I always dreamed of, and a large part of that is owed to this outstanding university.

Gender Reveal: And it's a...

BOY! We are having a baby boy! We couldn't be happier now that we have proof that this little babe inside of me is indeed a bouncing baby boy. We have always "known" that this little growing human was a boy, before we even started trying for a baby, the boy vibes were hitting us hard.

As we went into the doctor's office for the ultrasound we were asked what our guess was, and we both immediately answered "boy!" The instant that little guy's picture popped up onto the big TV screen in front of us the doctor confirmed our thoughts. We then spent the following hour watching him dance around and give us peaks of his cute little face. It is already easy to see from the way he positioned himself that he carries personality traits from both his mommy and daddy. We were in love instantly. There was not one moment in that room that Kirby and I were not smiling widely or letting little tears of joy slip down our cheeks.

The little slip of pictures we were able to take home has been ooed and awed over every night by a loving mom and dad to be.

I was graduating four days after the ultrasound took place, which meant that my entire family would be in town for the first time in a very very long time...so we decided to put off telling them for four whole days, so we could reveal our baby's gender with a little brunch party and face to face interaction.

So the Saturday morning after graduation we had my family, Kirby's family, and a few friends over for some waffles and a yogurt bar. My parents and youngest sister helped a ton to make it a true success, complete with jars of any candies you could find with pink and blue (carefully separated from the other colors), fresh flowers, and of course the delicious food served on my in laws beautiful baby blue and baby pink china.

We munched, we mingled, we took votes, and then it happened. The reveal! Kirby then brought in the silver balloons that I had stuffed with blue and silver confetti (after he so graciously filled with helium early that morning). He passed one out to each guest while I handed out little tacks.

Kirby and I stood in the center of the room while our loved ones circled about and waited for the count... On the count of three the entire room burst into a cloud of confetti and cheers of excitement from everyone in the room. Then of course the hugging, crying, and love sharing continued even after the confetti had long settled in to every crevice of the room.

We love our little boy and are so happy to have been able to celebrate his upcoming arrival with those we love before we move too far away.

Thank you to everyone who came, and to those who showed their love and support in other ways. We are feelings truly blessed.

Dear Babe, It's Easter

Dear Baby boy/girl,

        First of all, I cannot tell you how excited your daddy and I are to see you on the big screen at the doctor tomorrow! It has been 4 months since we first saw the little bean that you used to be, sitting there as calm as can be with your little foot sticking up in the air. I know you have grown so much and developed a ton since our last little photo-shoot with the doctor and I can hardly wait to see that perfect face of yours. They say you are the size of a banana right now...but I'm not sure how I feel about that comparison.
        This appointment is going to be extra special...do you know why? We will finally be able to legitimately call you he or she! We both have the same guess, and it has been the same since day one, so let's see how good your parents are at using their parental intuition! But whether you are a boy or a girl, one thing is for sure, your mommy and daddy love you more than we can express and think about you constantly. You are already the highlight of our lives and nothing brings us greater joy than knowing that soon we will be able to hold you in our arms.
        Today was a special day for so many reasons. First of all it is Easter Sunday, the day we turn our thoughts to our Savior and the unmatchable gift of the atonement. He gave his life so that we could be a family for eternity, and now, more than ever, I am unable to express my appreciation for that gift. He was the only person pure enough to give us such a gift. He suffered for us, because he loves us, and through his suffering was able to give us the chance to earn our place in the celestial kingdom through repentance. Because of him, your daddy and I were able to be sealed together for time and all eternity, and you are able to be born into a family that will last long after we have left this life on Earth. I love your dad more than you will ever know, and I already love you with all of my heart, the knowledge that I will always have the two of you by my side means everything to me...because of him.
        This Easter was extra special because it happened to fall on conference weekend. General Conference is something I look forward to constantly between sessions. It is a time when we can hear the living prophet and apostles bare their witness of our Heavenly Father and all that the gospel is. The Spirit that is felt when true witnesses of Christ speak, when members from all over the world join together to sustain the leaders and worship, when stories and thoughts are shared that touch and inspire each heart in a unique way, and when we are reminded of the love that exists in this Church is sacred and remarkable. I can think of no better way to worship our Lord and his redeeming sacrifice than to listen to the incredible servants of his Church and their testimonies of his life.
       Yes, we still had embarrassing amounts of Cadbury Mini-Eggs and Star-Burst jelly beans, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't surprise your dad with an Easter Sundae kit, but that was the extent of our celebrating. We did however create a new tradition that I plan to carry on throughout our lives. You see, your dad has a special and unique love and knowledge of the hymn book. He has songs memorized that I have never even heard of, and can tell you where to turn to find just about any song in the book. So today, we gathered around the piano and sang through all of the Easter hymns (and many more). Easter carol singing is my new favorite tradition...plus I love watching your dad try to make it through a whole song before quitting on me because he has gotten too choked up ;)
       Oh but just you wait, one more miracle happened today that really put the icing on the Easter cake. As your dad and I were sitting silently on the couch, about to head to bed you decided to make your presence known. I had felt you nudge me just a few times before, and it was so subtle that I was afraid I had mistaken a bubble for a kick...but tonight, as we sat on the couch, you were dancing around like a crazy person! Constant kicks and bumps were erupting in my abdomen, so much that I could see my tummy moving where you were pushing on me! It was the most exhilarating moment I have experienced. But the best part of this all is that this was the first time I was able to share your little love nudges with your daddy. As he sat there with his hand on my belly, looking straight into my eyes, we shared our first real moment as a family of three and I will never forget the love that exploded in our hearts...in that quiet room, on that special Easter day. So, thank you baby, I know you felt how special today was and your addition to the day made it as perfect as can be.

Love you Forever and Always,

Mom